Post 23 – Painting in Private
With the Christmas holidays over, I could focus on painting and writing again.
The conversation about my career never came up since Myles laid out his four-month deadline for me to return to work. He probably thought that I accepted the terms. I didn’t. I was afraid to bring it up again. He didn’t understand my perspective and nothing I could say would convince him otherwise. I felt disappointed, unsupported and guilty. The guilt came from the fact that I wasn’t contributing, financially.
All of the negative emotions quickly disappeared when I was fully engaged in one of painting projects. Everything seemed right in my life, and in the world. I continued painting with Seth in the afternoon on weekends. We discussed so many different topics as we painted. Some things were light and funny; others were serious and intimate.
One Saturday Seth invited me over to paint in the evening. His wife was out of town for the weekend and he thought it would be a good opportunity to “paint in private”. I hesitated. Not long-ago Seth and I had a discussion about affairs.
Questions raced through my mind:
- What did “paint in private” mean?
- Was it a bad idea?
- Was Seth wanting to do something other than paint?
Surely, I wasn’t the kind of person who could have an affair! I wouldn’t be able to cross that line. My guilt would consume me. Anyway, my life wasn’t that exciting. Affairs happened in movies and to other people…not me!
When I arrived at Seth’s house I could tell immediately that he had been drinking. He was tipsy and completely laid back.
“I had a few beers!” he said with a smirk. “You want one? Oh, I have wine too! Want a glass of wine?”
I placed my containers of paint supplies on the floor and reached for a hanger in the closet. As I was hanging my jacket, my face hidden from Seth’s view, I rolled my eyes in annoyance.
“Really? Alcohol?” I thought.
I was frustrated. “Why did he have to bring alcohol into this evening?”
“Look!” he exclaimed pointing at the fireplace. “I made a fire! Have a seat and I’ll get you some wine.”
Two couches framed the fire place. I figured I would sit in one, and Seth would sit in the other. I sat at one corner of the couch, placing my legs and feet up along the length. Waiting for Seth to return with my drink, I watched the dancing flames and listened to the crackling wood. It felt like I was at a cottage in the middle of a forest, far away from the city.
Seth entered the room, handed me a glass of wine and motioned for me to move my legs so he could sit next to me. I bent my knees to give him space. He plumped himself down next to me.
“Put your feet up! I’ll give you a nice foot massage.” he mumbled.
I placed my feet on his thighs. He massaged, fully focused on giving me the best.
We talked for a bit and then sat in silence. It was nice, and completely relaxing!
After twenty minutes or so in complete quiet, his hands moved up my legs slowly, all the while massaging. I felt a thump inside my chest. My heart was skipping away. My relaxed state vanished abruptly as I felt his hands moving higher up my legs.
“So….” I said, unsure of what to say or do. “You still want to paint?” My voice went into a high pitch at the word “paint”.
Seth leaned over, reaching his arms around me. My hands went up in front of my chest as a reflex, motioning to back off.
“What are you doing?” I exclaimed.
“I just want to give you a hug! Is that ok?” he replied, looking innocent.
“Uhm….ok I guess?” I wasn’t sure, but gave in anyway.
Turns out the hug felt really great!
We ended up holding each other for a good five minutes. Then he tilted his head to the side and started breathing on my neck.
“What is it with this guy and breathing on my neck?” I thought. “That’s the second time…and…and it feels so good!”
I felt myself getting aroused. That was my cue to abort the hug! I gracefully slid out of his arms and announced that I should be getting home.
“What?” he yelped. “But Karen isn’t here all night! I though we could have a nice evening together…just relaxing.”
“You’ve been drinking and I don’t know, I wish you hadn’t.” I expressed.
“I had a few beers because I was nervous about you coming over!” he explained openly. “I just wanted to calm my nerves.”
I was flattered but at the same time disappointed. As much as I liked the attention, something didn’t feel right about the evening.
“I’ll see you later. Thanks for the drink!” I grabbed my jacket and supplies, and jumped in my car. Seth was still on the couch, staring at me with disbelief. I guess he had other plans for the evening, which didn’t pan out.
On the drive home all I could think of was Myles. I was confused about my feeling for him and Seth.
“Time to talk with Myles!” I said, waiting at a red traffic light. “No more putting this off!”